he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
