i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize