A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
