I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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