a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
