Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
