Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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