$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
