sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
