i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I believe in your delicious
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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