if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
