R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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