Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
