theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
