Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
