ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
