so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
