left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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