ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
