Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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