He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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