Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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