I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
