fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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