apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she looked like the before picture.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
