Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just had sex on a roof
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
