Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
