I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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