I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
