Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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