We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
