I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
