I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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