ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
