It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
