Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
