forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize