Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
