I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
