so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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