a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
