...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
