i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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