my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
