i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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