After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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