My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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