Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Four minutes until I can fart!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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