New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
