if i can run in heels then i can drive
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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