Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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