p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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