no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
