we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
