she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
false alarm. still invincible.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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