I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I skipped work to stalk him.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
