i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
