HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
