he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
