I cockslap morals
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
