Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
