Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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