she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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