Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
