I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
