It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
