The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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