Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
