All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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