so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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