You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
