my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize