Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
