Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
