3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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