check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
